This morning, I was feeling kind of meh: organizing stuff, surveying the dishes, and cleaning out my refrigerator (all the expired yogurts and soft veggies), made messier by an attempt to
organize. I took everything out to sort and to wash. It was overwhelming. Shelves from the fridge mingling with dishes from last night. Judgement rose up: why don't we do them after dinner?! Why did we watch that re-run of Girls instead?
I took a deep breath; I reminded myself that comparing this state of mess to an earlier time when the kitchen was clean was not going to help. I focused on my breathing and the tension in my shoulders and jaw. Sensations began to soften. And then, I prioritized three small goals:
1. Wash the drawers.
2. Throw away bad veggies and yogurt.
3. Wash three dishes from last night. Not all, just some. That was manageable.
And, then I did them.
I can't say I felt perfect, like I did before when the kitchen was sparkling. But, I can say I felt better than I did before I started. Sometimes, it just takes willingness.
This is often the case; chaos is often the precursor to organization. Chaos can bring also bring clarity. But to do so, you have to have willingness. To quote, Buddhist monk, Cheri Huber, "The key and the name of the key is willingness." I'd also add trust, patience, and curiosity to meeting with chaos.
You have to bring everything out in order to make sense of it, know where it goes.You have to sort through things to know what you want to keep and what you want to let go of.
I took a deep breath; I reminded myself that comparing this state of mess to an earlier time when the kitchen was clean was not going to help. I focused on my breathing and the tension in my shoulders and jaw. Sensations began to soften. And then, I prioritized three small goals:
1. Wash the drawers.
2. Throw away bad veggies and yogurt.
3. Wash three dishes from last night. Not all, just some. That was manageable.
And, then I did them.
I can't say I felt perfect, like I did before when the kitchen was sparkling. But, I can say I felt better than I did before I started. Sometimes, it just takes willingness.
This is often the case; chaos is often the precursor to organization. Chaos can bring also bring clarity. But to do so, you have to have willingness. To quote, Buddhist monk, Cheri Huber, "The key and the name of the key is willingness." I'd also add trust, patience, and curiosity to meeting with chaos.
You have to bring everything out in order to make sense of it, know where it goes.You have to sort through things to know what you want to keep and what you want to let go of.
This is true for therapy, too. Sometimes, it feels like you’re dragging
everything out of the closet, talking about disparate ideas, and only later, do
you realize that your pattern of being attracted to unavailable men, for
example, makes sense given an earlier loss.
Sometimes, this is more the case with feelings than facts. You have to express all that you feel
(all the so-called, "mess" inside) in order to get to the hidden layer of calm. Of
comfort.
10 Steps For Moving Mess into Change:
1. Take a moment and a breath now.
2. How do you feel?
3. Note the feelings in your body as well as your heart. What sensations do you notice?
4. Notice any urges to judge yourself, especially comparing yourself to where you've been before.
There is only now. Truly.
5. Allow for all feeling, all thoughts, without pushing anything away.
6. Let yourself arrive into this moment.
7. Now, take a moment and bring to mind something you're worried about, something you've been putting off because of the chaos involved. This could be ruckus in your heart or in actually.
8. Make 3 small goals.
9 Do them today.
10. Note how you feel.
***
Dr. Heather Schwartz is a relational and mindfulness-oriented psychologist who delights in working with warm and expressive adults in Portland, Oregon.
http://www.heatherschwartzpsyd.com
10 Steps For Moving Mess into Change:
1. Take a moment and a breath now.
2. How do you feel?
3. Note the feelings in your body as well as your heart. What sensations do you notice?
4. Notice any urges to judge yourself, especially comparing yourself to where you've been before.
There is only now. Truly.
5. Allow for all feeling, all thoughts, without pushing anything away.
6. Let yourself arrive into this moment.
7. Now, take a moment and bring to mind something you're worried about, something you've been putting off because of the chaos involved. This could be ruckus in your heart or in actually.
8. Make 3 small goals.
9 Do them today.
10. Note how you feel.
***
Dr. Heather Schwartz is a relational and mindfulness-oriented psychologist who delights in working with warm and expressive adults in Portland, Oregon.
http://www.heatherschwartzpsyd.com
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