Are you Zoning Out? 5 Ways Back In

Are you there?

I bet you didn't even know you left yourself! 

So many people, especially women who play multiple roles, aren't even aware of being disconnected from themselves!

But, you know it the instant you hit your arm against the wall and it hurts!

Or, you're wondering what someone else is thinking and you notice you haven't watched the last 5 minutes of your show.

Or, you feel slightly out of it when you're reading a book, having to read the same line over and over...

These are signs that you've momentarily left yourself. Gotten outside yourself. Focused elsewhere. That's where our senses come in, to lead us back inside ourselves!

5 Ways Back Inside: 

1. Kinesthetically: Feel your feet on the floor. Wiggle your toes. Arch your feet and feel the stretch of your calves. Take a deep breath, and say, "Here." Check in. How "here" are you? Repeat, if necessary!

2. Visually: Choose a color that you love and see how many times it appears in the room you're in.

3. Olfactory: Choose a scent you love, such as lemon or jasmine and keep it close by. When you want to feel more enlivened, take a deep breath of it, or mix it with water and put it in a spritz bottle to spray in your room. Japanese companies use the scent of lemons piped into their offices to keep their employees more alert. Lemon scent increases alertness and ease. Jasmine creates a sensual, alive, vibrant feeling. No wonder people love it in their tea!

4. Taste: Keep wake-up mints in your pocket. When you find yourself zoning out, choose one and intentionally bring fresh thoughts about your life to mind!

5. Gratitude: I love this one the most. I like to call out randomly to my partner or friends, "Okay! Think of 5 things you're grateful for!" Then, make sure they're 5 different things each time, and when you say them out loud (or share them with another person), make sure you feel them in your heart. Take a deep breath and take in the joy you feel in each one. 

Gratitude is a great gateway to love!

Whichever method you choose, intend to bring yourself back online, so that you can enjoy, with gusto, your life!

#gratitude #presence #mindfulness #senses #disconnected #alive #hopeful #mindfulness #happiness #connection #coaching #psychology

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a Licensed Psychologist and Life Coach in Portland, Oregon who coaches soulful women to discover and honor the gifts of who they are in the world!

Creating Small-Big Changes!

I have been rewriting my Bio page for my new coaching practice over and over, saying a lot, then stopping. Saying more, then stopping. Pausing and freaking out.

Transitioning from being a therapist -- who says little to nothing about herself -- to a coach -- who says whatever feels right -- is a big adjustment, a big freedom, and it's part of why I'm making the transition: to be more who I am and bring stories about experiences along with expertise. (Two other parts are because I see how positive action creates positive change, and I'm interested in being part of a field that regards people as basically healthy!).

Even sharing this with you makes me feel a little anxious, but that's good. That's what I'm working on!

Luckily for me, my website doesn't always save what I write. (And, I found this out the hard way when it didn't save something I really wanted it to save!). 

What I found out from Wix acting stupid, is that I actually freak out when I put too much out there, change too much, too fast, even if I feel nervy in the beginning. I feel sweaty, and can't focus on anything else. Not even sleep. I have to take what I've written down. 

Have you ever had that feeling? Have you ever tried to erase -- in words or actions -- something you're almost, almost, almost ready to do, but have tried to do too fast?

Even if I really want it. Somehow, the act of saying something -- though freeing -- goes through another filter inside me later when I imagine other people reading it. 

It's like Brene Brown's idea of a "vulnerability hangover." You say too much, do more than you're really really used to and, you feel dizzy and out of control. Yup.

So, what I've been doing is writing and saving it until I'm ready. Then, I put pieces of the realness out there. It works. Gets me ready. Of course, no one else -- until you, now -- knows I'm doing this. But, I do, and it works to get my body used to these changes that my heart has decided are right for me. SO right!

What have you been stopping and starting to do as you give yourself permission to become more yourself?

Our tendency is to berate ourselves for what we haven't done.
Can you congratulate yourself for what's working?

What would you do if you had no fear? 
Can you do a little and find a way to create small-big changes?

I want to know! 
Truly. 
- Heather

#change #courage #hope #longing #authenticity #vulnerability #brenebrown

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a licensed psychologist and life coach who loves helping sensitive, empathic women wake up and show up: stop hiding, express their truth, and be fully themselves in the world! 

Urgently Happy

"So, I'm having this issue; I know he's going to call and I know he's not going to be happy that I want to break-up, but, I keep trying." Rosalie told me, looking down. "I keep trying to be urgently happy, but it's not working."

Urgently happy? That's what occurs when we try to force our focus on positive things, while we're actually feeling scared of our other feelings -- like fear, dread, disgust, disappointment, unhappiness, or grief.

Sadly, it doesn't work. 

Do you ever find yourself doing this? Racing around Facebook trying to find something uplifting? Texting a friend to find out what s/he is up to, but really trying to take your mind off your fears? Reading, watching tv, but feeling anything but calm?

Ironically, all the forced effort only amplifies what you're trying to avoid. I know. I've been there!

So, if that doesn't work, what does? 

1. Acknowledge that you're forcing the issue. The issue, in this case, is your fear. Not your love. 

Some say fear and love are opposites. I kind of agree. What do you think? I also think that love and detachment are opposites. I guess you can have more than one opposite, but I'm getting away from the point!

2. Find the distinction between finding humor in a situation versus forcing happiness. You'll know it by the flow. Yes, the flow. What I mean by flow is that humor comes in waves, or bursts. Forcing happiness is a constant stream of intensity. If you're feeling intense, that's probably not the true feeling of happiness or jest -- since both tend to be light. 

3. See if you can acknowledge what you are feeling. This includes the feeling of not wanting to feel whatever you are feeling! Tara Brach talks about this in a lovely way in her book, Radical Acceptance. She says, "Radical acceptance includes accepting both the feelings of anxiety and the aversion to it. In fact, acceptance is not real and not healing unless it honestly includes all aspects of your experience." So, if you are feeling dread, for example, notice that you are feeling it, notice that you don't like it, and allow it as much as you can.

4. Yes, allow it as much as you can! I like to think of emotions as a river. You don't have to go swimming in the river to acknowledge that there is a river in front of you! You can just dip a toe in. Or, if you're already in the river. Notice it. Allow this. Are you dog paddling? Can you relax a bit, perhaps coast on your back? You can say to yourself, "There's that dread again. I hate feeling dread. I want to feel happy. I don't feel happy. I feel all of this." That's all you have to do.

5. Well, you can also notice the sensations of whatever you're feeling. How does it affect your core? Breathe into that area. Lots of people hold their breath when they're feeling something they don't want to feel. Are you? Just notice. Take a breath. It doesn't have to be the hugest breath ever. Just breathe! 

6. Now, notice. Are you more open? Are you feeling more of a flow in your body? 

7. With greater flow, you will make room for the feelings you really want to feel! And, they won't be urgent at all. They will come naturally, easily, surprisingly - maybe even happy!

#mindfulness #emotions #sadness #anxiety #fear #happiness #hope #acceptance #calm #TaraBrach 

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a coach and psychologist in Portland, OR who delights in working with warm-hearted visionaries: kind and imaginative people who can visualize a positive future for all and are dedicated to being themselves and making a difference in the world. 

That Apocalyptic Feeling: 6 Steps to Moving Beyond Fear

"I just can't shake that feeling that something bad is going to happen at work. I've been on the year long test drive they put all the new people on, and every time I go to work, I ask myself, "Am I going to pass or fail?" Jeannie said to me in earnest, her face pinched. As we talked, I encouraged her to try mindfulness in action (below).

One of the things I work on with people is identifying how to respond to fears which have become gargantuan in size. What I call, "That Apocalyptic Feeling." ;)  And, if you have it, chances are good that it's probably not an apocalypse!

When you're really right in the middle of an intense traffic situation, or you've just fallen down stairs, or you hear terrible news, you might be stunned, but, it's unlikely that you're thinking, "THIS is the Apocalypse!!!" Well, not until later... After you have time for your brain to get out of fight-flight or freeze mode.

Here are 6 Steps to move you back into a highly functional state! ;)

1. Identify that you're in that super scared state. Yes. Say it out loud (or quietly to yourself.). Say it with me now, "I am super scared. This is scary. I don't like feeling scared." Being honest helps to quiet the intensity. It's when we deny it that things become harder, and we become tenser. Or, we stuff the feeling and deal later. Not good!

2.  Take note of your physical sensations. The first place our minds go when we're scared is identifying whether our bodies have been hurt. The important thing to do is to notice what you are experiencing. So, this is about reassuring ourselves. Yup, still intact!

3. Then label them. e.g. "My breathing is short."
Psychiatrist and founder of Interpersonal Neurobiology, a wonderful practice combining Mindfulness, positive connections, and brain science, says, "You name it, you tame it." It's true. Combining words with physical and emotional experiences creates closure for your mind.

4. Notice your emotions. Label those. "I feel anxious."

5. Label the external world: e.g. "I see a fern." or,  "The walls are blue." Focusing on the external world helps to ground you, and move you away from the focus on your body or feelings. This orients you not just in your situation but in the world. Focus on what you're seeing, or hearing, or smelling, etc.  If your eyes rest somewhere, let them rest, and let your mind wander. This again helps to calm your mind and body.

6. Provide context. We tend to lose context when we feel freaked out. So, try saying to yourself, "Even though x happened, it's not happening now and I am safe." Then, take a breath. Or, "I will get through this. It's not the end of the world. I will make it through okay. I always do. I always land on my feet," etc. You get the idea! The connection between your mind and body will be strengthened and your resiliency will, too! :)  "You've lost that apocalyptic feeling... Now, it's gone, gone, gone!" ;) 

Give it a try and let me know how it works out!!!

#anxiety #fears #hope #mindfulness #CBT # coaching #Portland #PDX #IPNB #grounding
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is an integrative psychologist and life coach in Portland, OR who delights in working with warm-hearted visionaries seeking to trust their inner knowing, move beyond fears, and make a difference in the world by being their authentic selves.