What is your deepest truth? I don’t mean your most dramatic truth, but, your deepest truth when you look at your life?
Underneath the stories we tell ourselves, is often a deeper truth, a truth that reveals our values, our heartfelt longings, and our profound questions about who we are.
“Aha! I get it! I understand who I am!” we might exclaim to ourselves. And yet, there’s often another layer of truth, a deeper layer about how we see ourselves in relation to others, in the context of our lives.
Yet, if you find yourself telling the same story the same way, you might never realize the gold of what’s underneath. I say, gold, because the truths we mine from our stories, reveal incredible insights about our longings, gifts, and purpose in life.
Let me offer you an example: A woman who believes that she’s always left holding all the responsibility in her relationships, and that people only care her for what she does for others, may find people who, in their behaviors, support her hypothesis, and take her for granted. And, she may unintentionally create this dynamic in her relationships, doing things for others that they used to do for themselves, so that partners see her as an invaluable, inextricable part of their lives. The story she holds contains her identity like a frame around a painting. But, is it the only frame?
Let me offer you an example: A woman who believes that she’s always left holding all the responsibility in her relationships, and that people only care her for what she does for others, may find people who, in their behaviors, support her hypothesis, and take her for granted. And, she may unintentionally create this dynamic in her relationships, doing things for others that they used to do for themselves, so that partners see her as an invaluable, inextricable part of their lives. The story she holds contains her identity like a frame around a painting. But, is it the only frame?
Underneath her sadness and frustration at being over-looked and overly responsible, resides a deep feeling of unworthiness and underneath that, a healthy deep longing to be cherished in the way she takes care of others.
Her deep truth, as she reveals it, is a wish to connect, to be special, and to be remembered in the way she holds others so easily in mind and heart. Perhaps she didn’t receive this growing up, and she longs for it. That makes sense. Beyond this, might be an even broader wish to feel at one with others, easily and effortlessly, to belong, and, through her generous spirit, to leave a positive imprint on the world.
Note that all of these experiences, like a multifaceted diamond, are part of this woman's truth. Each offers another side, revealing the light of what she cherishes most and the layers of who she is at her core.
And, as she looks at her life, with openness, she might find examples where people want to support, cherish, and love her, if she'll let them. This will take a change in her perspective, and a willingness to receive. But, to do this, her story about herself must expand to include other experiences in her life. She must be willing to explore all of who she is.
As you read this, take a moment and reflect:
How would you describe yourself and your relationships to others?
And, as she looks at her life, with openness, she might find examples where people want to support, cherish, and love her, if she'll let them. This will take a change in her perspective, and a willingness to receive. But, to do this, her story about herself must expand to include other experiences in her life. She must be willing to explore all of who she is.
As you read this, take a moment and reflect:
How would you describe yourself and your relationships to others?
Think of a negative story that you frequently re-tell yourself and others to epitomize who you are in the world. It’s okay. We all have them. The trick, the tool is this moment of awareness at re-telling a story which may not fit ALL of who you are or long to be.
Soften, and allow a feeling of compassion to come into your heart for yourself. There is a reason you tell this story in this way. There is no room for judgment as it won’t increase meaning. It won't offer you the understanding and peace of mind you might seek.
Can you think of a story, an exception to the rule, which holds a different message than this one? The purpose of this is not to invalidate your experience of the first story, but to widen the range so that you might experience a more expansive version of yourself.
What do you notice?
Who might you be if you allowed more versions of your life into your version of yourself?
As you keep track of new positive experiences, you will begin to unfold amazing new layers of feeling and being.
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a licensed psychologist in Portland, Oregon who delights in working with kind and expressive people seeking greater wellbeing, meaning, and connection.
Keywords: #trust #connection #insight #awareness #selfawareness #love #relationships #spirituality #mindfulness #empowerment
