Where is your home?
(A Quilt - Applique & Alphabet)
When you truly imagine your home, do you think of your current house? Or, do you conjure up the smell or vision of your childhood home, where perhaps the kitchen smelled of cinnamon, doors were sticky from peanut butter and jelly sandwich fingers, and you had to wait an hour just to get into the bathroom? What do you remember? What invokes the sense of home for you?
When I worked with first year students from Wellesley College, they often described feeling homesick. And, yet, when I asked them what they truly missed, it wasn't their parent/s or their bedrooms. It wasn't their hometowns. Sure, they missed their friends and their pets, but mostly, it was the feeling of being known.
Friendships were already established, and family relationships, no matter how difficult, were understood. They didn't have to try so hard.
Other students from different countries talked about missing the type of trees or the scent in the air, but when I asked them where home was, they talked about feeling it when they spoke to other students from their countries who used similar gestures, expressions, and intonations.
This got me thinking: home isn't a physical location.
Home is the place between people who are connecting.
Home is the feeling you get when you feel understood.
And, that reminded me of one of my favorite poems that I want to share with you:
When Someone Deeply Listens to You
When someone deeply listens to you
it is like holding out a dented cup
you've had since childhood
and watching it full up with
cold, fresh water.
When it balances on the top of the brim,
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
you are loved.
When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay
starts a new life
and the place where you wrote your first poem
begins to glow in your mind's eye.
It is as if gold has been discovered!
When someone deeply listens to you
your bare feet are on the earth
and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you.
Isn't it true? The more loved you feel, the more at home in yourself and in the world you are.
Who creates your home?
(Photo by Jan Ruby)
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is an integrative psychologist who delights in working with kind and expressive people seeking inspiration, connection, and empowerment.
