Singer, songwriter, Cris Williamson created an album in the 1970's called, "The Changer and the Changed." Such is the case whenever we interact with others. We are both changer and changed, especially if we allow ourselves to be open, to be authentic and honest. We can mutually change each other, often in beautiful ways.
In order to do this, we often have to sift through the waves of different feelings and thoughts to our underlying essences and allow those to show. I like to think of changer and changed in the metaphor of beach glass. We are both the glass, turned over by the ocean, and the ocean turning over the glass, moving each. The glass, in turn becomes smoother, more beautiful.
(Image from tearsfromthedeep.com)
When you look at your life right now, where are you the beach glass? What aspects of your life still feel sharp? Are you allowing yourself to be moved? How? What in your life feels outside your permission? How is this different?
In what ways are you the sea, with yourself and with others?
Among your friends, classmates or colleagues, with whom do you feel changer and changed? How does this change you to know this?
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a relational and mindfulness-oriented psychologist in Portland, Oregon who delights in working with warm and expressive people (aka deep feelers).
What experiences quench your thirst? And, by thirst, I mean anything you hope or long for.
My favorite poem is by Mary Oliver. It's not the one that talks about being good (Wild Geese), though I love that. And, if you don't know it, you can find it here:
http://www.panhala.net/archive/wild_geese.html
The poem is instead one that encapsulates the feeling of being in wonder, amazement and joy and it reminds me of a fairy tale I heard as a kid about a mother who had a fever and how her daughter ran into the dark and fearsome woods to fill a pail of deep, clean, cold water so that her mother could quench her thirst and get well.
Do you know the one? The pail become the little dipper, and the child and her mother looked into the sky with wonder as it sparkled above them.
Whenever I am very thirsty for water or for connection or for something I can't quite name, I think of this poem and this story.
Here is the poem:
At Blackwater Pond
At Blackwater Pond the tossed waters have
settled
after a night of rain.
I dip my cupped hands. I drink
a long time. It tastes
like stone, leaves, fire. It falls cold
into my body, waking the bones. I hear them
deep inside me, whispering
oh what is that beautiful thing
that just happened?
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Isn't it beautiful? It's rare to find a poem that describes a need being met so beautifullly. The pun on leaves is also lovely: that water leaves fire.
* What in you is vibrantly awake? * What needs tending?
* What experiences are you thirsty for?
* Think of a poem or a song or a person who fulfills your heart.
* How does it feel to bring this person or experience to mind?
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a relational and mindfulness-oriented psychologist who delights in working with warm and expressive people seeking greater connection, inspiration, and empowerment in their lives.
Giving to yourself is as important as giving to others. Here are some suggestions on how. ;)
* Hug your dog (or someone else's).
When you send out love, actively imagine receiving their love or the universal love (what this animal would do in ideal situations). This can be done with kids and people you love --even from a distance, you can visualize it. The mind can't tell the difference between what you visualize and what you actually experience, according to neurologist, Antonio Damasio's research.
And, congratulations! You've just increased your oxytocin (or vasopressin for men).
* Eat an orange and deeply sniff the scent; the scent of oranges is said to uplift moods.
* Drink lots of water. Replenshing increases mood.
* Sing. It can even be a favorite tune with the word or words of how you feel. Just vocalizing can help to release sadness, often held in the throat.
* Lie across an exercise ball and expand your chest. Opening your chest like this allows you to breathe more easily and to release sadness.
* Drink warm beverages or take a hot shower or bath to increase a sense of comfort and decrease loneliness. Researchers at Yale University have found a connection between physical warmth and social warmth.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2007555/How-soaking-warm-bath-stop-feeling-lonely.html#axzz2Jm1ib7Mm
