So, I was fighting with this feeling of fear in myself, and I wanted it to stop. No one wants to feel scared. I had all the intensity bottled up in my stomach, a tightness in my chest, and a feeling of being on edge.
I was feeling scared about something I'd said invoking anger in someone else. I was reviewing it in my mind, weighing the options of what I could do, and then I realized that my automatic response was from the past of how anger was handled (or not handled) in my family of origin. In short, an old reaction to anger: fear.
How many of us grew up in households where anger was handled okay? Not many!
Realizing that 1) my fear was from the past, and 2) that I'm an adult who has choices began to shift my awareness. Then, I noticed the sensations in my body rather than the story in my head (that I was telling myself about why I should be scared). Feeling the sensations slowed down the thoughts.
My whole body began to relax.
I stopped analyzing why I was having the response or why it was happening now because that would just take me away from what I was experiencing.
Our desire to know or be curious about something can take us away from just feeling our feelings! What we focus on and how we narrate our emotions takes away from feeling them!
In fact, neuroanatomist, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor, the one who did that incredible TED Talk called, Stroke of Insight where she describes having a stroke -- if you haven't seen it, I recommend it! https://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight?language=en
Jill Bolte-Taylor says that an emotion will take only 90 seconds in your body if you just let the sensations run their course. This means not getting stuck in the story.
When you're scared, there's this tense exhaustion that happens. You want to run but you're also feeling too tired to move, and this increases that stuckness!
I had been stuck in the story of why I was scared or needed to be scared, until I realized that nothing was happening!
Nothing was causing me to have physical or emotional harm. Everything I was worried about had either already happened or could happen. Nothing in the present!
We often fear what could happen -- or fear what might have happened, as though it could happen in the past. I believe that time is not linear, so this fits with my understanding of it, but, regardless of why, you might notice that you feel scared at times for what could have happened, almost as though you could experience it again, and you're preparing for it not to happen! ;)
Where you put your focus matters. Focusing on what's happening makes sense until you feel safe enough not to focus on your inner experience. The important thing is to not invite more of the feeling (through the story) inside yourself. Deal with what's there.
This is kind of like noticing there are bees in your house, but not bringing the hive inside! When you tell yourself more of the story, you bring the hive inside. Don't do that, unless you want more of what you don't want! ;)
Once you realize you're focusing not on the present moment, things shift. It shifted for me.
I want that for you too, if you want it for yourself.
So, I'm offering you my 6-Step Secret to Releasing Fear. Here it is, simple and powerful:
6 Steps to Release Fear (or Another Uncomfortable Emotion):
1. Recognize that you're having the feeling.
Telling yourself you're not having the feeling, when your body is clearly showing signs of it not only creates confusion in your body -- because you're releasing all the neurotransmitters, usually histamines, related to having the emotion! It does not help to deny it or to try to change it into a "happier" feeling. You can't fool your body. I hear this all the time from people. Whenever I teach the Law of Attraction, I talk about how you have to feel what's happening in your body in order to create a sense of openness so that you can move with greater ease into what you desire to experience.
2. Put it in context. Is the reaction from this situation or from the past?
3. Focus on the sensations, rather than the story (about why you're having it).
Getting wrapped up in the details will not help us to be clearer about what to do. This is hard to understand -- we think that focusing on the details will help -- and it will! -- but only after we're past the fear-based response running through our body.
So, calm down first, then understand and plan.
4. As you feel the sensations, you'll notice an ease happening in your body. You might even notice that now as you read this! Just reading the word, "ease" can create ease! Try writing it somewhere. Say the word, ease or peace, and notice the feelings of it in your body. Our words hold layers of meaning and images about our experiences. These images affect how we feel physically.
5. 80/20: Focus on a time when you felt ease. As you do this, you'll begin to feel more of it. Focus on the images of ease. Notice what happens in your body, even right now. So, the 80-20 rule becomes 80% ease and 20% other stuff! Soon, it will be closer to 90/10.
6. Explore the Borders. What borders? The borders of yourself and the world. So, this could be your hands and feet, areas where you naturally might feel more calm than in your core. Or, the borders of the room -- looking around a room can indicate that you're feeling more relaxed and at ease within your own mind. It not only indicates this, it also informs the mind, "Hey, it's okay to relax now." You can also notice how your thoughts slow down. As they flow, you're exploring the borders of what's possible!
And, if you want more peace in this moment, more calm and relaxation, it's possible.
Right now. Calm. Peace. Ease. Ahhh!
In this present moment.
Cheers!
Heather
#mindfulness #choice #empowerment #freedom #calm #peace #anxiety #fear #love #energy #coaching #mindbody #somatic
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a Life Coach and psychologist in Portland, Oregon who delights in working with soulful women on the edge of A-ha's! who are seeking to be truly, vibrantly, and beautifully themselves in the world!
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