Did you ever see those music boxes with ballerinas? When I was a little girl, I was fascinated by the beautiful twirling ballerina inside my music box. I could listen and watch for hours. But, as the box closed, I always noticed that the ballerina turned in on herself. This was always disturbing, and I would try to find ways to prevent her from bending -- either by closing the box slower, or trying to see if I could shelter her. It never worked.
I asked my mother and she said that this is just the way it was. In order to fit in, the ballerina had to fall; she had to crumple to fit inside the box.
How many of us women feel confined and crumpled by the boxes of our lives?
How many of us think that to be beautiful, we have to be perfect, to bend ourselves rather than changing the confines of our experience?
If you have a position where you feel unable to speak up, or a relationship where you feel squelched, or maybe a pattern of holding yourself back, making nice, or saying yes when you mean no - even with friends - you know what I mean. You're bending yourself uncomfortably. It's painful, and yet, it's hard to know how to change. It's hard to know how to know how to change old patterns and ask the situation other people to bend. For some, bending is preferable to conflict or the fear of others being mad.
Does this resonate with you?
How do you bend over backwards to please others?
Where do you bend to the breaking point?
Do you wish this were different?
Are you disappearing in order to fit into this role or way of being?
What do you need more: to appear perfect or to be known?
Authenticity is about being your perfectly imperfect self in the moment. Easier said than done, isn't it?! But, it's a practice.
What is one small way you can allow yourself to be known rather than try to be what others want you to be?
Are you willing to try it with someone you know and trust -- even for 5 minutes today?
You can always let your friend or partner know that you're trying it, get support, and see what happens.
Practice makes perfect, or, in this case, imperfectly perfect. ;)
#perfectionism #shame #relationships #career #hope #women #wellness #boundaries #communication #roles #fear
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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist in Portland, Oregon who specializes with creative, caring women who have lost themselves and are wanting to reconnect with their truth, passion, and purpose.
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