Receiving Love

If my rescue dog, Marley, or Marleybear as I like to call him, could talk, he’d probably say that when life throws you scraps (say of aluminum foil or sweet potato peels), make toys or food! And, he does! Joy is now his go-to emotion.

But, that wasn't always the case.  Marleybear was discovered by a rescue group at a high kill shelter in central California, and we adopted him from a no-kill shelter in Washington state.

When I think about where Marleybear came from, it makes my heart hurt. We think he was homeless and survived on what he could find on the street. He came to us with ear infections, matted hair, not neutered. At first, he was very fearful and submissive. 

He hid under our kitchen table, was protective of his food; he wouldn’t make much eye contact, and he definitely wouldn’t roll over and show his belly or allow us to kiss him on his nose or head. 

But, that changed pretty quickly. In just 10 months time, he's become 17 lbs of mischief with a huge car salesman grin, a healthy appetite for adventure, and a joy of being close. 

He loves to play and explore! Yesterday, he discovered that he could make our table into a nap space. Today, he hopped up from a chair to stand on the dining room table because he wanted to see the rest of the world from up high, and came over to us, grinning hugely, wagging, so pleased with himself!

When I’m sitting in a chair, Marleybear is the first to leap up and snuggle, to stand on two legs and ask for pets or kisses, to kiss my chin, roll over for his belly to be scratched, or gaze into my eyes closely, with such sweetness!

That’s the thing: not only is he extraordinarily resilient, finding joy in every scrap of life, but he’s blossomed: opening himself up to love. And, what a gift to us! One of the greatest gifts you can ever give someone else is to let yourself be loved.

And, yet, it can be so hard to trust – especially when you’ve come from a hard place, a family where love or necessities weren’t given freely. This is especially true if you're a giver kind of person. It can be so hard to trust that what is being expressed is real, or not just because you’re doing something for that person.

So, instead of asking the usual Thanksgiving/Holiday question (what are you grateful for, or what are you giving), I’m asking this:

* What do you allow yourself to receive in connection with others?

* What allows you to trust?

* What factors make receiving possible?

* What is the smallest way you could imagine – like Marleybear – to open yourself to joy or to love from people (or animals) who can really offer something back? 

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a relational and mindfulness-oriented psychologist in Portland, Oregon who specializes in helping warm and expressive people feel more at home in themselves and the world.