Standing in Your Power

Have you stood in your power recently? Really felt it from within?
As women, we often question what true power looks and feels like.

I was at the gym recently, listening to a song I used to love to dance to in my early 20’s. I was enjoying myself, until I started noticing that I wasn't focused on this direct experience anymore but on past memories of what people thought of me.

It was a song I loved dancing to, (ironically called, 100% Pure Love), and it brought me back to the past - and old issues - that were clearly still coming up to be healed.

My 20's were a time when I derived a lot of my self-worth from how other people saw me. I felt insecure a lot of the time, and worried about how other people saw me. I always felt wanting - until I began to change that.

As women in American society, we derive a lot of our sense of worth from the outside. We come by this naturally - so many images in our media of how we're supposed to look or be or act.

So, when we face these messages, especially the ones which affect our view of ourselves, we lose sight of who we are -- from the inside. 

The work comes from being present with ourselves: 

• Enjoying who we are from the inside. 
• Accepting all parts of ourselves with compassion.
• Noticing when we try to please others and instead, asking ourselves, "What do I know is true? What do I really want - beyond making others happy?"
• Acknowledging and having compassion for ourselves when we crave praise or admiration -- which is another way of saying: we matter, we are unique, and we deserve to feel good. 

Brene Brown says that our society struggles with feeling and holding joy. 

I would add that we women struggle with receiving, in general! 

It takes bravery to really enjoy, savor, love, and receive our presence and pleasure from our bodies and our relationships as women -- not from a gluttonous, feel good kind of way, but to really feel your sense of pleasure from the inside, for yourself. 

This is a way of loving and appreciating ourselves as people. I don't just mean sexual pleasure. Of course, that's important. But, it's not the only way you experience your vital aliveness!

Feeling the pleasure of taking a shower, or walking down the street - having your hair blown by a soft warm wind, or smelling woodsmoke, or leaning up against a tree feeling, or even the pleasure of getting into bed after a long day, feeling fully supported by the bed. These are simple pleasures which remind us of being fully embodied and alive.

One powerful way to reconnect with your inner power is the chakra system. 

You've probably seen the pictures drawn of them (the circles of red-orange-yellow-green-blue-indigo-purple/white) in areas of your body which also have nerve ganglia correlates.

Psychically, they look like these beautiful vortices of energy, and, physically, energetically and emotionally, they balance your mind, body, and spirit.

They're powerful and they allow us to directly engage our own power -- without anyone's help. In short, they connect us to ourselves, and each point is another way of responding and relating to the world.

The second chakra, for example, which is orange in color, is located just below our belly buttons in the front, and at our lower back.

This chakra governs sensuality, creativity, relationships, emotions, boundaries, sexuality, passion, and pleasure. 

When it's too open, you'll find self-indulgence, self-gratifcation, and actions that are selfish, needy and clingy.

When it's blocked, people feel closed off from their joy, inspiration, hope, and emotions. They experience heavy depression, flatness - "meh" in their emotions, a feeling of not caring or being intimately connected. 

Either way, if it's too open or blocked or closed, you'll have trouble knowing what you want, and making decisions which create good, flowing, loving boundaries with yourself and others.

The second chakra is governed by the water element, and is all about flowing with life! And, they allow for a direct experiencing of pleasure in the world!

Want to learn how to balance it? There are many ways, but here are some suggestions:

• Sit with your back relaxed but supported and your feet on the floor, or you can sit cross-legged.
• Try taking 3 deep breaths. Imagine that you are actually breathing into this chakra with your breath, blowing out anything that you don't need or want in this area. Really letting go.
• See an orange-colored light - a beautiful orange color moving like water through the front and back of you, allow this to fill your center.
• Say an affirmation, such as: "My body supports and delights me. I delight and open fully to the pleasure in myself and in the world." Or, " I am available for love. I am available and ready to experience the pleasure of life!"
• Ask your body to adjust your chakra the right amount of openness. Your body knows the way, and again, this is about trusting yourself!
• You can ask to see what this chakra looks like and allow your imagination or psychic ability to offer an image.
• Notice whether your chakra feels open.
• Stretch and allow yourself to enjoy this glorious feeling of openness! 

Now, throughout the day, ask yourself, "Am I open to pleasure in this moment?" Or, you can affirm, "I am softening, relaxing, and going with flow as I open to pleasure, passion, and delight in my life!"

As you eat, sit, look, or use your senses, allow your senses in, noticing how it feels to bring more of your direct experience into the moment. 

As you bring your awareness to how you feel from the inside, really savoring and loving yourself and your experiences, you will feel more present and confident in being truly yourself! 

This allows for greater, lasting power from within!

#women #confidence #selfesteem #pleasure #power #authenticity #sensuality #passion #sexuality #love #compassion #joy #selfexpression #mindfulness #embodiment #empowerment #truth 

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a transformative life coach who loves working with soulful sensitive women who are longing to feel confident and fully alive as they transform old beliefs, step into their power and express their true selves!

6 Powerful Steps to Moving Beyond Fear

So, I was fighting with this feeling of fear in myself, and I wanted it to stop. No one wants to feel scared. I had all the intensity bottled up in my stomach, a tightness in my chest, and a feeling of being on edge.

I was feeling scared about something I'd said invoking anger in someone else. I was reviewing it in my mind, weighing the options of what I could do, and then I realized that my automatic response was from the past of how anger was handled (or not handled) in my family of origin. In short, an old reaction to anger: fear.

How many of us grew up in households where anger was handled okay? Not many!

Realizing that 1) my fear was from the past, and 2) that I'm an adult who has choices began to shift my awareness. Then, I noticed the sensations in my body rather than the story in my head (that I was telling myself about why I should be scared). Feeling the sensations slowed down the thoughts.

My whole body began to relax.

I stopped analyzing why I was having the response or why it was happening now because that would just take me away from what I was experiencing.

Our desire to know or be curious about something can take us away from just feeling our feelings! What we focus on and how we narrate our emotions takes away from feeling them!

In fact, neuroanatomist, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor, the one who did that incredible TED Talk called, Stroke of Insight where she describes having a stroke -- if you haven't seen it, I recommend it! https://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight?language=en

Jill Bolte-Taylor says that an emotion will take only 90 seconds in your body if you just let the sensations run their course. This means not getting stuck in the story.

When you're scared, there's this tense exhaustion that happens. You want to run but you're also feeling too tired to move, and this increases that stuckness!

I had been stuck in the story of why I was scared or needed to be scared, until I realized that nothing was happening!

Nothing was causing me to have physical or emotional harm. Everything I was worried about had either already happened or could happen. Nothing in the present!

We often fear what could happen -- or fear what might have happened, as though it could happen in the past. I believe that time is not linear, so this fits with my understanding of it, but, regardless of why, you might notice that you feel scared at times for what could have happened, almost as though you could experience it again, and you're preparing for it not to happen! ;)

Where you put your focus matters. Focusing on what's happening makes sense until you feel safe enough not to focus on your inner experience. The important thing is to not invite more of the feeling (through the story) inside yourself. Deal with what's there.

This is kind of like noticing there are bees in your house, but not bringing the hive inside! When you tell yourself more of the story, you bring the hive inside. Don't do that, unless you want more of what you don't want! ;)

Once you realize you're focusing not on the present moment, things shift. It shifted for me.

I want that for you too, if you want it for yourself.

So, I'm offering you my 6-Step Secret to Releasing Fear. Here it is, simple and powerful:

6 Steps to Release Fear (or Another Uncomfortable Emotion):

1. Recognize that you're having the feeling. 

Telling yourself you're not having the feeling, when your body is clearly showing signs of it not only creates confusion in your body -- because you're releasing all the neurotransmitters, usually histamines, related to having the emotion! It does not help to deny it or to try to change it into a "happier" feeling. You can't fool your body. I hear this all the time from people. Whenever I teach the Law of Attraction, I talk about how you have to feel what's happening in your body in order to create a sense of openness so that you can move with greater ease into what you desire to experience.

2. Put it in context. Is the reaction from this situation or from the past?

3. Focus on the sensations, rather than the story (about why you're having it). 
Getting wrapped up in the details will not help us to be clearer about what to do. This is hard to understand -- we think that focusing on the details will help -- and it will! -- but only after we're past the fear-based response running through our body. 
So, calm down first, then understand and plan.

4. As you feel the sensations, you'll notice an ease happening in your body. You might even notice that now as you read this! Just reading the word, "ease" can create ease! Try writing it somewhere. Say the word, ease or peace, and notice the feelings of it in your body. Our words hold layers of meaning and images about our experiences. These images affect how we feel physically.

5. 80/20: Focus on a time when you felt ease. As you do this, you'll begin to feel more of it. Focus on the images of ease. Notice what happens in your body, even right now. So, the 80-20 rule becomes 80% ease and 20% other stuff! Soon, it will be closer to 90/10.

6. Explore the Borders. What borders? The borders of yourself and the world. So, this could be your hands and feet, areas where you naturally might feel more calm than in your core. Or, the borders of the room -- looking around a room can indicate that you're feeling more relaxed and at ease within your own mind. It not only indicates this, it also informs the mind, "Hey, it's okay to relax now." You can also notice how your thoughts slow down. As they flow, you're exploring the borders of what's possible!

And, if you want more peace in this moment, more calm and relaxation, it's possible.
Right now. Calm. Peace. Ease. Ahhh! 
In this present moment.

Cheers!
Heather

#mindfulness #choice #empowerment #freedom #calm #peace #anxiety #fear #love #energy #coaching #mindbody #somatic

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a Life Coach and psychologist in Portland, Oregon who delights in working with soulful women on the edge of A-ha's! who are seeking to be truly, vibrantly, and beautifully themselves in the world!

Feeing Meh? 5 Ways to Ignite Joy!

Joy is not just a feeling; it’s a strategy to jumpstart inspiration, creativity, and a wellspring of love in your life!

Here are 5 ways to invite the flow:

1. Name what you’re currently feeling. Bring a feeling of kind awareness. If you can't get to kind, that's okay. How about permissive? Open. Non-expectant. Non-rushed. Just allowing, an acceptance of what you're feeling? Let yourself be here. Right here, right now. Okay. Good.

With openness comes possibility. Can you allow for that?

2. Accept where you're at and see if there's space and room for all of your feeling. Notice it all. Blah is contracting. Openness creates space. Without pressure to create joy, think about what brings you comfort. 

Negative feelings are not usually comfortable. 
So, the first step, (as you now know from this list) is acceptance. Acceptance makes room for all experience. It's non-judgmental. 

As an example of this, in creating this article, I tried to get the type of font and size to conform, and no matter what I did, it's half Helvetica and half Times, half big and half small. Sigh. It is what is. We are what we are, and yet, when we accept this, something else happens. We become larger, especially as we embrace these fragile and imperfect places in ourselves.  

We all hope to be seen beyond our frustrations, imperfections, and meh-moods, don't we? ;) I hope you can see the intent, love, and purpose that went into this article even if it is, like me, imperfect. :)

3. Remember a time when you felt comfort. Bringing this to mind helps bring it to heart and body. It actualizes it. 

Focus on your belly, hips, and legs. Allow for a that feeling of being on a comfy sofa or lying on a comfortable bed. Notice what this inner experience of comfort is like right now while you're imagining it. You might notice that when you feel most comfortable, you are least aware of what others think. This is important. So, trust in that others are not focusing on you. Let yourself feel comfort from the inside -- from your inner experience. 

Now, think: what small action could you take that would bring you the slightest amount of comfort? Even if it means shifting in your chair, or taking off your shoes, stretching, or focusing on your heart, Do it. 

When we create comfort for ourselves, we're nurturing ourselves. It's like we're saying, "I'm worth it. I'm worthy of being cared for." This is the precursor to joy.

4. Create a list of activities which bring you joy. Joy comes without pressure. It is a delight from within. Joy comes from being in our bodies. We can't be in our hearts if we're not in our bodies.

Keep this list of activities, people, blogs, books, foods, music/sounds and/or images near you. Only include those things which pique your feeling of aliveness, and therefore, joy. Start small. When feeling blah, try one.

Allow your senses to unfold and to inform what you put on the list. Joy brings an increase in energy. You might notice little sparks of that feeling in your chest or belly. You might notice a vague feeling of relief or pleasure. A feeling of hope, or possibility. 

Think of this list as a running experiment, and choose activities or experiences that are either readily available to you or can be easily imagined without a sense of longing. (e.g. A cup of tea that you love over a trip to Hawaii that you can't go on).

Here's the secret: As we become more present and engaged, we become more capable of joy. 

If you are not in your heart, you can't be in your joy!

 As you focus on what brings you joy, the list will grow. And, as you create the list, your joy can blossom. 

So, ask yourself:

* What am I seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, etc as I experience this? Blend with the experience! Let yourself merge with it!

* Experience it as though you’ve never experienced it before. 

* Imagine you’re writing a new story on it or describing it to people who’ve never experienced it. 

Let yourself fill with wonder. Wonder is the foundation of joy. 

5. String together experiences of joy. Add on another thing that brings you joy after you experience one thing on your list. Let the feeling in your chest or heart guide you. 

When I was recently feeling blah, I thought about Cara Cara Oranges; they're this beautiful mixture of zingy grapefruit and sweet navel orange, and I accidentally discovered them, which brings me joy, too. As I thought of them, immediately, I started to feel hopeful. Then, I went in the kitchen and ate one, enjoying the bright flavor. Immediately, I tasted sweetness, and felt a little better. I fully took in the experience, the juiciness. I could feel a bit of warmth radiating in my chest. 

Afterwards, as I contemplated feeling a bit better, I asked myself, what else brings me joy? And, I thought of my dog, Marley's silly face, drinking Yorkshire Gold tea with milk and stevia (which I promptly made), my partner, looking out at trees (and there are so many in my neighborhood), writing, and listening to reiki music.

When we string together joyful experiences, we are melding them in our bodies and our minds. This process even occurs on a neurological level, so that when you think and feel — most importantly — about this again, you’re strengthening neural pathways in your brain to experience joy! 

What brings you comfort?

What brings you joy? 

Is it hard to move towards comfort when you're in a blah mood?

What did you notice about your experience? If you'd like to share and are working on trusting your voice, I encourage you. I have no doubt, that if you put time and energy into sharing your true experience, others will benefit. :)

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Would you like to try an empowerment session? I am passionate about helping women embrace their authentic selves and step into their lives with joy, love and integrity. So, I offer a 30-minute free session, (as well as ongoing sessions, groups, and workshops) to help you be accountable to yourself as you step into the world with greater comfort, joy, presence, and trust in expressing your true self!

http://www.heatherschwartzpsyd.com 

#mindfulness #positivepsychology #joy #kindness #presence #love #acceptance #transformation #authenticity 

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a life coach and psychologist in Portland, Oregon who offers mindfulness, energy healing, and intuitive guidance and specializes in helping soulful: expressive, heartfelt, caring women wake up to their inherent beauty, accept their imperfection, and move beyond fear into a place of transformative healing, hope, reciprocal connection, joyful expression, and love. 

Ballerina Perfect: Bending Over Backwards to Please Others?

Did you ever see those music boxes with ballerinas? When I was a little girl, I was fascinated by the beautiful twirling ballerina inside my music box. I could listen and watch for hours. But, as the box closed, I always noticed that the ballerina turned in on herself. This was always disturbing, and I would try to find ways to prevent her from bending -- either by closing the box slower, or trying to see if I could shelter her. It never worked.

I asked my mother and she said that this is just the way it was. In order to fit in, the ballerina had to fall; she had to crumple to fit inside the box.

How many of us women feel confined and crumpled by the boxes of our lives? 

How many of us think that to be beautiful, we have to be perfect, to bend ourselves rather than changing the confines of our experience? 

If you have a position where you feel unable to speak up, or a relationship where you feel squelched, or maybe a pattern of holding yourself back, making nice, or saying yes when you mean no - even with friends - you know what I mean. You're bending yourself uncomfortably. It's painful, and yet, it's hard to know how to change. It's hard to know how to know how to change old patterns and ask the situation other people to bend. For some, bending is preferable to conflict or the fear of others being mad. 

Does this resonate with you?

How do you bend over backwards to please others? 

Where do you bend to the breaking point? 

Do you wish this were different?

Are you disappearing in order to fit into this role or way of being? 

What do you need more: to appear perfect or to be known? 

Authenticity is about being your perfectly imperfect self in the moment. Easier said than done, isn't it?! But, it's a practice.

What is one small way you can allow yourself to be known rather than try to be what others want you to be? 

Are you willing to try it with someone you know and trust -- even for 5 minutes today?  

You can always let your friend or partner know that you're trying it, get support, and see what happens. 

Practice makes perfect, or, in this case, imperfectly perfect. ;) 

#perfectionism #shame #relationships #career #hope #women #wellness #boundaries #communication #roles #fear 

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist in Portland, Oregon who specializes with creative, caring women who have lost themselves and are wanting to reconnect with their truth, passion, and purpose.

Are you Zoning Out? 5 Ways Back In

Are you there?

I bet you didn't even know you left yourself! 

So many people, especially women who play multiple roles, aren't even aware of being disconnected from themselves!

But, you know it the instant you hit your arm against the wall and it hurts!

Or, you're wondering what someone else is thinking and you notice you haven't watched the last 5 minutes of your show.

Or, you feel slightly out of it when you're reading a book, having to read the same line over and over...

These are signs that you've momentarily left yourself. Gotten outside yourself. Focused elsewhere. That's where our senses come in, to lead us back inside ourselves!

5 Ways Back Inside: 

1. Kinesthetically: Feel your feet on the floor. Wiggle your toes. Arch your feet and feel the stretch of your calves. Take a deep breath, and say, "Here." Check in. How "here" are you? Repeat, if necessary!

2. Visually: Choose a color that you love and see how many times it appears in the room you're in.

3. Olfactory: Choose a scent you love, such as lemon or jasmine and keep it close by. When you want to feel more enlivened, take a deep breath of it, or mix it with water and put it in a spritz bottle to spray in your room. Japanese companies use the scent of lemons piped into their offices to keep their employees more alert. Lemon scent increases alertness and ease. Jasmine creates a sensual, alive, vibrant feeling. No wonder people love it in their tea!

4. Taste: Keep wake-up mints in your pocket. When you find yourself zoning out, choose one and intentionally bring fresh thoughts about your life to mind!

5. Gratitude: I love this one the most. I like to call out randomly to my partner or friends, "Okay! Think of 5 things you're grateful for!" Then, make sure they're 5 different things each time, and when you say them out loud (or share them with another person), make sure you feel them in your heart. Take a deep breath and take in the joy you feel in each one. 

Gratitude is a great gateway to love!

Whichever method you choose, intend to bring yourself back online, so that you can enjoy, with gusto, your life!

#gratitude #presence #mindfulness #senses #disconnected #alive #hopeful #mindfulness #happiness #connection #coaching #psychology

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a Licensed Psychologist and Life Coach in Portland, Oregon who coaches soulful women to discover and honor the gifts of who they are in the world!

Creating Small-Big Changes!

I have been rewriting my Bio page for my new coaching practice over and over, saying a lot, then stopping. Saying more, then stopping. Pausing and freaking out.

Transitioning from being a therapist -- who says little to nothing about herself -- to a coach -- who says whatever feels right -- is a big adjustment, a big freedom, and it's part of why I'm making the transition: to be more who I am and bring stories about experiences along with expertise. (Two other parts are because I see how positive action creates positive change, and I'm interested in being part of a field that regards people as basically healthy!).

Even sharing this with you makes me feel a little anxious, but that's good. That's what I'm working on!

Luckily for me, my website doesn't always save what I write. (And, I found this out the hard way when it didn't save something I really wanted it to save!). 

What I found out from Wix acting stupid, is that I actually freak out when I put too much out there, change too much, too fast, even if I feel nervy in the beginning. I feel sweaty, and can't focus on anything else. Not even sleep. I have to take what I've written down. 

Have you ever had that feeling? Have you ever tried to erase -- in words or actions -- something you're almost, almost, almost ready to do, but have tried to do too fast?

Even if I really want it. Somehow, the act of saying something -- though freeing -- goes through another filter inside me later when I imagine other people reading it. 

It's like Brene Brown's idea of a "vulnerability hangover." You say too much, do more than you're really really used to and, you feel dizzy and out of control. Yup.

So, what I've been doing is writing and saving it until I'm ready. Then, I put pieces of the realness out there. It works. Gets me ready. Of course, no one else -- until you, now -- knows I'm doing this. But, I do, and it works to get my body used to these changes that my heart has decided are right for me. SO right!

What have you been stopping and starting to do as you give yourself permission to become more yourself?

Our tendency is to berate ourselves for what we haven't done.
Can you congratulate yourself for what's working?

What would you do if you had no fear? 
Can you do a little and find a way to create small-big changes?

I want to know! 
Truly. 
- Heather

#change #courage #hope #longing #authenticity #vulnerability #brenebrown

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a licensed psychologist and life coach who loves helping sensitive, empathic women wake up and show up: stop hiding, express their truth, and be fully themselves in the world! 

Urgently Happy

"So, I'm having this issue; I know he's going to call and I know he's not going to be happy that I want to break-up, but, I keep trying." Rosalie told me, looking down. "I keep trying to be urgently happy, but it's not working."

Urgently happy? That's what occurs when we try to force our focus on positive things, while we're actually feeling scared of our other feelings -- like fear, dread, disgust, disappointment, unhappiness, or grief.

Sadly, it doesn't work. 

Do you ever find yourself doing this? Racing around Facebook trying to find something uplifting? Texting a friend to find out what s/he is up to, but really trying to take your mind off your fears? Reading, watching tv, but feeling anything but calm?

Ironically, all the forced effort only amplifies what you're trying to avoid. I know. I've been there!

So, if that doesn't work, what does? 

1. Acknowledge that you're forcing the issue. The issue, in this case, is your fear. Not your love. 

Some say fear and love are opposites. I kind of agree. What do you think? I also think that love and detachment are opposites. I guess you can have more than one opposite, but I'm getting away from the point!

2. Find the distinction between finding humor in a situation versus forcing happiness. You'll know it by the flow. Yes, the flow. What I mean by flow is that humor comes in waves, or bursts. Forcing happiness is a constant stream of intensity. If you're feeling intense, that's probably not the true feeling of happiness or jest -- since both tend to be light. 

3. See if you can acknowledge what you are feeling. This includes the feeling of not wanting to feel whatever you are feeling! Tara Brach talks about this in a lovely way in her book, Radical Acceptance. She says, "Radical acceptance includes accepting both the feelings of anxiety and the aversion to it. In fact, acceptance is not real and not healing unless it honestly includes all aspects of your experience." So, if you are feeling dread, for example, notice that you are feeling it, notice that you don't like it, and allow it as much as you can.

4. Yes, allow it as much as you can! I like to think of emotions as a river. You don't have to go swimming in the river to acknowledge that there is a river in front of you! You can just dip a toe in. Or, if you're already in the river. Notice it. Allow this. Are you dog paddling? Can you relax a bit, perhaps coast on your back? You can say to yourself, "There's that dread again. I hate feeling dread. I want to feel happy. I don't feel happy. I feel all of this." That's all you have to do.

5. Well, you can also notice the sensations of whatever you're feeling. How does it affect your core? Breathe into that area. Lots of people hold their breath when they're feeling something they don't want to feel. Are you? Just notice. Take a breath. It doesn't have to be the hugest breath ever. Just breathe! 

6. Now, notice. Are you more open? Are you feeling more of a flow in your body? 

7. With greater flow, you will make room for the feelings you really want to feel! And, they won't be urgent at all. They will come naturally, easily, surprisingly - maybe even happy!

#mindfulness #emotions #sadness #anxiety #fear #happiness #hope #acceptance #calm #TaraBrach 

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Dr. Heather Schwartz is a coach and psychologist in Portland, OR who delights in working with warm-hearted visionaries: kind and imaginative people who can visualize a positive future for all and are dedicated to being themselves and making a difference in the world.